HOW CAN I RESIST

Anyone who knows me is quite aware I love, love, love trash TV. So it should be no surprise that on January 2nd I will be tuning in to A&E for the debut of ROLLERGIRLS. Here are some highlights from the first two episodes...

-Best name for a skater: Blanche Davidian.

-Best line of dialogue, delivered by Cha Cha: "She also messed up her foot at that Jell-O wrestling, when she was on the trampoline."

-Best bit of voyeurism: Lux prepping for the first bout of the season by gently moisturizing her legs.

-Best team uniforms: The Catholic schoolgirl outfits favoured by the Holy Rollers.

-Best pre-game meal: Venis Envy's cigarette while driving to the Thunderdome.

And does roller derby get any sweeter than this? After Miss Envy's first match - but before she goes out drinking and returns to her motor home - she shares a quiet moment with her boyfriend Palmer.

"I could not be prouder of you," he says.

And it sounds like he means it.

Skaters occasionally suffer from "fishnet burn," a scrape left by stockings skidding on the track.

CHANGES IN TORONO

What's with all the shootings? Is it just me or has it gone crazy since this summer? A 10am shootout at Bloor and Sherbourne, someone who’s been shot crawls to Jarvis and Maitland, now Yonge and Gould (a shopping area) in the middle of boxing day shopping. A 15 year old girl who was shopping with her parents was caught in the crossfire and did not survive. Six others were left wounded. She's the 52nd shooting victim this year in Toronto.

THE TOOTH aka Tommie C.

The power of Scientology compels you!

Chronics of Narnia

CRONICS OF NARNIA
The movie wasn't that great but this little clip is!

BEAT IT MITZZEE!

And good riddins!

PS Merry Christmas

Will Ferrell? Please say it isn't so!

I took the 3 Variable Funny Test But I think it's all wrong. Anyway here's what mine resulted in...
The Ham
(42% dark, 46% spontaneous, 26% vulgar)
Your humor style: CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | LIGHT

Your style's goofy, innocent and feel-good. Perfect for parties and for the dads who chaperone them. You can actually get away with corny jokes, and I bet your sense of humor is a guilty pleasure for your friends. People of your type are often the most approachable and popular people in their circle. Your simple & silly good-naturedness is immediately recognizable, and it sets you apart in this sarcastic world.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Will Ferrell - Will Smith


My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 33% on darkness

You scored higher than 51% on spontaneity

You scored higher than 24% on vulgarity


Will Ferrell? Will Smith? I really don't like them. I'm a nightmare! This just can't be right.

Who Did He Meet?

Maybe Jason or Mitzzee are the only Canadians he ever met.

PRINCESS MIA

I saw Brokeback Mountain this weekend and let me tell you seeing Princess Mia screwing in the backseat of a car, smoking and drinking is sure to scar me for life. Other than that it was pretty boring.

CALL THIS NUMBER

1-888-353-7667

RUM AND PEPSI

A Priest was seated next to a newfoundlander on a flight to St. John's.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

The newfoundlander asked for a Lambs rum and Pepsi, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the priest if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust..... "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Newfoundlander then handed his drink back to the attendant and said "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

I WON'T SELL OUT FOR TOBLERONE!

Someone brought in Toblerones to "share" at work today. I think they're from this chick I call "The Devil". She doesn't share she just make purchases without money...today she is purchasing future goodwill (i.e. help) from her co-workers. All day I didn't have any cause she would have seen me get it... I looked at the xmas card next to them and it had "The Devil's" name on it. No way would she see me indirectly accept a gift from her. Merry XMas you witch...I'll eat your candies when you're dead! (or when you've left the office for the day...I just had one since no one's in the office to see me eat it...shhh don't tell)

LOW FAT VANCOUVER

I’m back. Well the trip started great…….no TVs on my flight. I didn't have book or anything to read. I had to read Marsha’s chick magazines. (BTW Mloyd and Jason there was an article in MarieClair about self esteem).

Got up Friday morning and went out for brunch at the elbow room. I like that they are mean to everyone. That’s my third time there and they haven’t been mean to me. Most likely because my normal face isn’t the friendliest but I can’t help it. Then Duke took us on a tour of West Hastings to see the crack people. Well let’s just say they’re not shy about their drug addiction. I was actually terrified some one would break out of their trance and attack the big mother of a truck we were in. It was like being at African Lion Safari. Duke suggested that we go back at night when all the crack heads come out to play. I was really hoping he would forget and thank god he did. Daytime was more than enough for me, but thanks for the offer. Anyway after that I went to the aquarium. I had never been to an aquarium so I was psyched... no one els was but fuck 'em they all had to come. I liked the beluga whales. It didn’t go over well when I asked someone who worked there if that’s where beluga caviar came from. I was pretty much scolded and that if it was it's illegal in Canada. It was fun to freak out the fish lady so I was sure to ask someone else later on and pretty much got the same reaction....yaaaay!

We left the aquarium and went out for dinner and proceeded to get loaded. We started drinking at 5:00 and when everyone else went home at 12:00 I thought it would be a good idea to jump in a cab and continue drinking till 4:30. People still talked to me eventhough I was plastered not as many as usual tho. I can’t believe anyone would even want to talk to me when I was that drunk. But they did and took me to after-hours then to breakfast then back to where I was staying in Kitsilano. Not sure if they were worried I would end up dead, thinking someone will get lucky, or if they just really like drunk people. I choose to believe they were just nice (I’m prob wrong).

We contemplated going to a Party in Whistler for a party on Saturday night but decided to stay in town cause we were a little messy. Had drinks and dinner (some kewler than cool place that played really good and really loud electroshock music and had lots of scensters, pretty people, etc...Jason you would have been proud of me eatin' at a fancy restaurant where they didn't provide me with a tray to take the food to my table). After dinner we went to a Bar on Granville (Brandy’s 91 or something like that) and then to Honey in Gastown where my friend heather suggested we walk two blocks down to see West Hastings as night…to which I replied “no, I’m good”. I actually think she was serious. Finally we went to some place around the corner called Wild Rice which was pretty and had tasty drinks. It almost seemed like a bar in LA it was so bright.

Sunday just did some shopping, walked along the beach then to Granville Island then back home to head for the airport.
FYI a pink 007 Thunderbird doesn’t fit three people comfortably. I had to squeeze behind the seats in the back…not so fun.

Good news. TVs on the flight home but crazy lady beside me. Taking a queue from Michael Jackson, I'm sure; she wore a surgical mask over her face for the flight home. She did have a Prada bag and some nice shoes but the mask was unforgivable. (she must be from Vancouver)

FRIENDLY SKIES

Well I'm off to Vancouver today(The drug captial of Canada). Not a big fan of Vancouver but what the hell...it's a free trip. I like it a little more evey time I go. Let's hope it turns out better for me than it did in this book. I suprised this book wasn't written by Jason because he always said what a NIGHTMARE Vancouver was.

In the spirt of my upcoming air voyage I thought I would post a little clip that always makes me smile.
FRIENDLY SKIES

How much would you like Yurg on your flight Mloyd?

I can't believe that people actually get to go to court for this stuff and then win? That fuct!

(from popbitch)
-----------------------------------------
Stella Awards are named after 81-year old Stella Liebeck... who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's for millions.

This years runners up are:
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas. Won $14,500 after being bitten on the arse by his neighbour's beagle. Mr Williams was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun at the time.

Amber Carson was paid $113,500 by a Philadelphia restaurant after she broke her back from slipping on a soft drink... which she had just thrown at her boyfriend.

Kara Walton of Delaware sued a nightclub and won $12,000 after falling from a bathroom window and knocking out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge.

But the winner is:
Mrs Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma who purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago. On her first trip, she drove on the freeway, set the cruise control at 70 mph and went out back to make a sandwich. She crashed. Then sued for the manual not advising her not to do this.

The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company then changed their manuals on the basis of this suit.


Why don't we sue each other nonstop in Canada?