Knitting: The Dark Arts

My new hobby is so going to be Knitting.

I think the bunny is my favorite.

HOW TO SAY I LOVE YOU

With Valentine's Day around the corner I thought I would help you get ready.

HOW TO SAY I LOVE YOU IN 5 LANGUAGES

English - I Love You
French - Je T'aime
Italian - Ti Amo
Chinese- Wo Ai Nin
Newfoundland - Nice arse, get in the truck.

THE 59 WESTON

This is 59 West Avenue in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. I fondly remember 59 West as I'm sure many of my friends do.

It was all started by Mme Rouge, Jason and me. Jason and I moved out of our cockroach infested apt and Mme Rouge moved out of that little box she was living in for a better life in Riverdale South. We actually moved there mostly because of the big deck. I mean who can resist a BIG DECK? There were lots of parties and lots of roommates.

59 West saw Jason move to Calgary then back to 59 West again. Many other people came and went as roommates. What's really funny is a lot of people who lived there became friends after the fact because of a connection to that house (people have an automatic connection since they most likely would know someone in common). One of my best friends lived at that house long after I moved out and the only reason we met was because of a connection to that house.

I must admit I did get spoiled when Mme. Rouge and I shared it alone (no third room mate), we had one floor each. Then when a third and later a fourth person moved in I moved out...it was just too crowded.

Anyway for those of you who know 59 West, I'm sure you know it well, as for the rest of you...you'll never know what you missed. It was like a Frat house where everyone had lots of money to spend and no one went to school.

Well we did keep it in the family for a very long time didn't we?

It's for rent
59 West, I don't think it’ll be the same but you could always try.

Maybe Mitzee could move there?

You Have Got To Be Kidding Me

Oh My God...
This is a nightmare!
For all the deets on this hot ticket click here

Try it in the office when you're bored.

Get ready to be Seagulled!

Happy Slapping is so 2005. To be too cool for school these days you have to do the Seagull. In schools all over London, apparently, break-times are seeing boys running into the bogs to masturbate furiously, collect their jizz in the palms of their hands, then go out and find a younger kid.... then slap them in the face while shouting "SEAGULL!"

from popbitch 26.01.06 ISSUE 286

HI I'M STEPHEN HARPER AND I'M CREEPY

I can't believe Stephen Harper won and is our new Prime Minister.
Here are a couple of things I expect Mr. Harper to do out side of that 2% cut in GST.
1. All Canadians should take the unofficial Jamaican point of view on homosexuals (AKA the Slim Shady)....kill 'em all
2. Officially change "Thank you" to "May Jesus the lord and savior bless you".
3. Change our country's name to the UNITED STATES OF CANADA that's until we become the expanded state of Alaska.
4. The $20.00 bill will be changed to say "WEST IS BEST"
5. Women can no longer work as of 01 March, 2005.
6. Condoms are to be outlawed.
7. All houses of worship shall become Roman Catholic Churches.

What Song Would You Strip To?

I sooooo need Jason to do this...

Your Stipper Song Is

Closer by Nine Inch Nails "You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I?ve got no Soul to tell" When you dance, it's a little scary - and a lot sexy.

What Song Should You Strip To?

HOW SHOULD I VOTE?

Have you been asking yourself...
HOW SHOULD I VOTE?
Well if you need some help here's a questionnaire... VOTE

Surprise! It says I should vote Liberal and I was going to vote Conservative (close one).

Write in Rick Mercer at the polls and elect him. (can we even do that?) At least CPAC would be funny.

Too bad we can't vote for the Bloc in Ontario...I'm pretty sure we'd all learn how to speak French quickly (prolly enforced by law). Maybe our bar hours would be extended to match those of Quebec.

I may vote NDP simply because they are not the Conservatives or the Liberals. (I'll prolly vote Liberal tho, the questionnaire results advise me to vote Liberal and how can I defy a command from the interweb?)

No chance will I vote Green; so don't even.

CUBAN EMBARGO IN CANADA!

I'M ANGRY!

The Gay Cuban at work just knocked over my coffee and got it all over my off white shirt.

Damn those Gay Cubans!

Don't Let Jason Use Your Phone!

Why not lend Jason your phone you ask?
I sent this to email to Jason...
Sent: Monday, January 16, 2006 12:05 PM
Subject: my phone
Did I leave my phone at your house? It’s blue
I can’t find it anywhere!

He replied...
Sent: Monday, January 16, 2006 3:31 PM
Subject: Re: my phone
I'll have a look.

Marsha sends Jason an email the next day.
01/17/2006 09:54 AM
Subject YOUR CELL PHONE!
JASON!
i have your cell phone hostage..... i found it in my purse and vagly remember you leaving it on the bar and we decided to throw it in there (my purse somehow fits everything and i think i have found stuff from ten years ago...hahaa)
i can't call you ... so how do you want to get it?
love, love, love.....
marsh

Jason Replies and CC's me...
Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2006 9:55 AM
Subject: Re: YOUR CELL PHONE!
I don't have a cell phone. That is for sure Blair's! He emailed me to tell me he lost it. I'll cc him on this email.

Marsha replies...
Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2006 9:57 AM
Subject: Re: YOUR CELL PHONE!
whose stinking cell phone do i have?
i know that Jason threw it on the bar... and some stranger gave it to me asking if it were mine....
now that i think of it ... it does look like yours Blair! hahaaa...........

Marsha again...
Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2006 3:34 PM
Subject: RE: YOUR CELL PHONE!
i totally thought it was jason's phone and that he just threw it away....

Jason's Reply...
Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2006 3:39 PM
Subject: RE: YOUR CELL PHONE!
I never touched it!!!! I used Marsha's to call my house and that's it. Did Marsha describe it to you so you can tell if it's yours or not?

Phones are evil.

My Reply...
Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2006 3:48 PM
Subject: RE: YOUR CELL PHONE!

U used mine. I remember giving it to you and telling you it sucks.
LIAR!


Ummm...I can't believe he threw it on the bar. Don't let Jason use your cellphone!

Air Canada & United Are So Mean To Me!

Went to Ottawa on Thursday 5th Jan to visit my friend Richard before a business trip to Denver…
We got drunk on Thursday (surprise) and REALLY drunk on Friday.

FRIDAY… Loaded aprox 4:00am - I just remember yelling at all the people I was with to “Stop Speaking French or Take Me Home”….My understanding of the French language sucks when I’m sober but get me and the people speaking French monstrously drunk and I’m pretty much fucked. Anyway after that outburst the party winded down as it should it was late. After that some of us went back to Richards were I went to bed because everyone was still speaking drunken French.

SATURDAY… was quiet. Movies and Chinese food (lots of Chinese food, $70.00 worth between two people). I had a 7am flight to Denver Sunday morning (at least I thought I did).

Bad news… When I arrived at 5:45am Sunday to check in at the kiosk it wouldn’t let me print my boarding pass so I had to stand in line. Turns out my flight was canceled and I was rebooked for a 6am flight… great idea, book me on a flight an hour earlier without getting in contact with me even better leave a message at my work number in Toronto when I’m leaving on a Sunday from a different city. Thanks Air Canada!

So I was put in another line to be rebooked. I know there was a 7am flight to Toronto I would have expected they would have put me on that. Ah but no, it was full.

Bad news… The agent rebooked me on “the best flight” she could. Would you link to know when the “best flight” left? 2:45 later that day….yeah, 8 hours later! She said I should just go home and relax and come back later. I then told her I don’t have a home in Ottawa to which she responded with “oh” and I asked if she could get me to Toronto So I could go home for awhile and catch the direct flight to Denver at 4:15 to which she replied “hmmmm, I can get you on a flight to Toronto at 3:30 and…” I stopped her since that was later than 2:45. We left everything as is and her final piece of advise was “don’t go through security till 1:00 because there’s nothing in there.”

I tried to call Richard but of course he was back in bed and had no intention of getting up to get the phone. So there I was in the Ottawa airport with a suitcase, a garment bag and a lot of time to kill. I got a hold of someone I work with to advise I’ll miss the first day of the conference since I’ll be 8 hours late. Then my phone’s battery died.

I did do some sleeping while holding on to my luggage. (I couldn’t check my bags as we had to pre clear US customs in Ottawa). Sleeping was only difficult when someone would basically wake me up by asking where I was going….I wanted to answer “not back to dreamland thanks to you!” but instead I just didn’t acknowledge that the question had been asked. For some reason I must look like I want you to wake me up because a lot of people did just that.

Good news… Anyway 8 hours did pass surprisingly fast and I was on my flight to Washington (DC) for my connection to Denver.
Bad news… In Washington I checked in with the United gate agent. She advised she could not find my electronic ticket and said “who told you that you could take this flight?”…I couldn’t believe how rude this chick was but I stood there with a smile and explained my situation. She sighed and again told me she couldn’t find my ticket. At this point I was super frustrated so I told her I am very familiar with they computer system she was working on (I worked at their helpdesk for years) and told her how to pull it up. She said she didn’t like to do it that way because it was a “pain in the ass”. I told here if she has and difficulty I would be more than happy to find it for her. She made a sour face and glared at me. She typed away at the keyboard and said there it is, gave me my boarding pass and I was off to Denver.

Bad news… Arriving in Denver and waiting at the luggage carousel was a bit of a nightmare. Everyone picking up their luggage but not me. Nope no luggage for me. Well what else would you expect right? Yes, my luggage was not there, perfect end to a perfect day. If I could have, I would have boarded a plane back to Toronto right then. I looked at the revolving carousel without my luggage and thought I was going to start crying (I guess this is what Jason feel like all the time) I had to report it lost and I had no carry on….nothing. Went to my hotel about a 45 min drive from the airport, checked in and went to bed.

Good News…Monday - Got a call at 6am. My bags have arrived! Yaayy!
Good news… I have no idea how this happened but I won an Americas sales award, a trip to the Ritz-Carlton in Jamaica for 4 days (I’m guessing someone made a mistake with the math and awarded me in error).
Good news…Tuesday - Found a pair of Pumas I thought were $50.00 but it turned out they were $18.00…Thank you DSW!


Bad news…Wednesday – Delayed out of Denver airport.
Good news… Only delayed by an hour so I will have no problem making my connection in Chicago.
Bad news… Flight delayed in Chicago by a ½ hour and it’s overbooked. It will be leaving at 7:05 now. Offering free flights to take to 9:00 pm flight
Bad news… Flight delayed again by another hour and it’s over booked. Still offering free flights to take to 9:00 pm flight
Bad news… Flight delayed again by another ½ hour and still overbooked. Since it’s only ½ hour difference me and my boss decide to go for the free tkts.
Bad news… They don’t need any more people to move to the 9:00pm flight.
Good news… The flight is boarding about 2 min after we offered to give up our seats.
Bad news… the crew is over their allowed working hours within the day and cannot fly as per FAA regulations. A new cabin crew has to be called in.
Bad news… Replacement crew is butt ugly.
Good new… We taxi down the runway at 9:30.
Bad news… We cannot take off because there is no runway available. We will be waiting for 20 mins.
Good news… 20 min later we take off and I’m on my way home.
Good news… Customs is quick.
Good news… Didn’t get stopped and my luggage arrives almost instantly.
Good news… home at midnight!


That’s it my Nightmare Trip.

Bad News & Good News

Good news first! Rollergirls as expected ROCKED! Drinkin', Fightin' and trash everywhere! It's all I expected and more! I highly recommend it!
Bad News. I started smoking again over Xmas. I was bored an at home so I smoked. I haven't started full on smoking and I haven't smoked since New Years. So I'm back on the Wagon!

New Years was fun. I went out with my friend Mohamad and proceeded to get sloshed until the bar closed at 3:30(gotta love extended drinking hours for New Years). Met some fun people and met some negative fun people. There was this prick from Vancouver who was being an idiot so I asked him "why do they call Vancouver the arsehole of Canada"...he wasn't impressed (mission successful). I even did some drunk dialing on the way home. I don't know how much fun it is to hear from someone slurring "um shoorry I din't get a hol a you but yer phone wasin workin" at 3:45 when you were actually supposed to meet at 10:30pm. I had a house guest who was at was previously at Madame Rouge's new years bash trying to sleep in my livingroom while I ate tacos and watched TV till 4:00 or 4:30. The price you pay for free accommodations!

I wasn't really hungover the next day but I was tired...I don't really get hungover I just get really stupid and tired the next day. I do love the booze so I did go out again on Sunday for 80s night at a local bar. Why is everyone so fugly at zips? I should have went to Resolutions at the Phoenix. I bet Mme. Rouge and Jason would have been at the Phoenix (ya think? LOL).

Happy New Year!