How Could Thistle Miss This?

From Pink Is The New Blog.

Soooooo Funny

I watched Last Comic Standing last night only to see my favorite stand up comics... NIKKI PAYNE. She's Canadian and from Nova Scotia so you know she's super funny and talks about drinking a lot. She made it to the next round and I'm sure she'll go further 'cause she kicks ass!!!! If you have a chance you'll have to watch it to see her. Here's her Blog to keep you smiling. But the blog isn't as funny as watching her (If you've ever seen her you know what I mean).

Want!!

I really want a french bulldog. Aside from the involved time, cost, and poop, that is.
Who wants to buy me this little guy?

I might even name him after you! If I don't go with my chosen name of Chuck Norris. Norris for short. No other dogs will dare to mess with him! Just look at the fury in his eyes.

Things learned in Chicago.

Things my friends and I learned this weekend in Chicago.
-The I.M.L. competition is not actually called a "Leather Walk Off" (But Yaaay! for Montreal)
-When I'’m drunk and sharing a bed with you, I WILL feel up while I'’m sleeping.
-I don'’t always sleepwalk in Chicago. Sometimes I'’m just too tired.
-You really don'’t want to become a *slave.
-Sometimes a deal is not a deal. I will not pay $120.00 bucks for a blazer similar to the one my nana wore in 1968 even if it is PRADA and it is super discounted.
-Once I get a little too drunk I will talk to everyone I see, I will not go home until it'’s absolutely necessary, and until that time I will not stop drinking and I will drink faster.
-The little rings on leather harnesses are for manhandling someone.
-Sometimes people get up really early everyday when they'’re on holiday.
-If you want to have people hit on you non stop just show up really drunk at a bar alone.
-There are not even close to enough bathrooms on Chicago bars.
-I'’m pee shy before I'm drunk.
-When person says someone'’s an Indian is not OK to question which type of Indian by saying "Dot or Feather?".
-Some American ATMs are set up to trick Canadians by giving the cash and then the receipt before returning the card therefore causing the non tricky Canadian to forget his banking card in the machine on the first night in town. (NOTE: Mexican ATMs are set up to trick Canadians too.)

*My friends saw a master throw throw his slave into a wall by his neck and held there while he kneed him hard in the nuts. That's love, no? The best part is this was at the Hilton. I'm glad I missed that.

TARMAC

Here's the view I had for an hour and 40 mins yesterday as I sat in an airplane waiting to take off. Yes, that's right an hour and 40 mins (longer than the actual flight). Seems there was too much traffic in the sky over O'Hare yesterday so all takeoffs were delayed by air traffic control. But here's the best part... When we finally made it to the front of the line and it was our turn to take off bad weather caused a freeze to all takeoffs. I love sitting in a plane!!!
I guess the good news is I missed the illegal transit strike yesterday...well it's not like I don't walk home from work most of the time anyway. But the walking would have been crowded.
Anyway that's it for now...gotta get back to work (Still trying to catch up).

Who'd Ya Do?

We had Hair Band Week, so I think it's time.

Yes, it's Boy Band Week!

I left out the Backstreet Boys 'cause I don't think they're that cute. They're all pretty much just a hot mess what with the ugly hair and fat.

N Sync's former Britney-banger, Justin "I'm an ACTOR now!" Timberlake?


98 Degrees' singer and former Newlywed, Nick "I'm So Heartbroken" Lachey?


New Kids On The Block frontman, Jordan "OMG, Thistle totally had your poster" Knight?


Or the boys from Il Divo? I don't know their names, but my mom is, like, crazy-obsessed with them.

OMG, I Love Him!!1!1!!one!! Justin Nick Jordan Il Divo View Results Make your own poll

Adult Trauma Wednesday

In order to get me out of the house to organize for the surprise party, my BFF, Fingerbang, took me out for an afternoon of manicures and pedicures.

They started on my feet, which was awesome 'cause I got to sit, soak my feet, and have my back and neck massaged by the sorta-pervy looking chair. The one downside is they didn't have the latest copy of the bible. Sigh.

Once my toes were all fresh n' fancy, we moved to the manicure table. Fingerbang had a bit of a headstart so I was sitting chatting with her while awaiting my manicurist's arrival at my table. She soon sat across from me and I continued chatting with FB (regaling her with some hilarious story, I'm sure). Suddenly, FB's jaw dropped, like, to the ground while watching my manicure girl. I was suddenly frightened to look as the fear and horror in her eyes was real, yo. Then, I caught a glimse out of the corner of my eye.

Bitch was picking her nose.

Like, going to town on her nostril. Knuckle deep. I immediately looked to the window as I felt a burst of laughter building. FB looked the other way as she now had tears streaming down her face. I was frozen. Should I say something? What could I say? "Bitch, go wash your nasty finger"? I probably should have, but I was feeling weak. Laughter suppression and turning thirty will do that to a girl. So I received a full manicure from a nosepicker. Needless to say, I washed my hands asap.

While waiting for our nails to dry, we then spotted the receptionist picking her nose! No lie. FB actually locked eyes with her and she didn't turn away or stop. Heffa had absolutely no shame.

The real question now, of course, is will we return to the shop? I mean, I now realize they're a bunch of nosepickers and all, but they really do wonders with your cuticles.

S-a-t-u-r-d-a-y...Night!

So. I turned thirty on Saturday.

The Boy decided to be The Sweetest and managed to pull off a surprise party for me, with some help from a few of my friends. I had no idea. The shock almost gave me the vapors - cause I'm old now and have to watch out for such things.



We consumed lots of drinks, spring rolls, cigs, and fries, then headed off to The Bar. I don't remember a whole lot of the night, but some things stick out in my mind;

1. Madame Rouge sounds completely hilarious after sucking helium.
2. The cab that Auntie and I took to the bar had a DVD player - is that the norm now?
3. Fingerbang was born.
4. Cashew and Candy are great sports hosting us degenerates after the bar until the early morning hours.
5. Video of drunk people dancing is great blackmail material.
6. Whoever thought of getting the plastic cups for the night was soooo my best friend during Sunday morning clean-up.
7. Advil Liqui-gels are my second best friend.
8. Skrimps is the best word ever.

Thanks again for coming everyone!

Fackin' Off

Miss T's party on Satty was lots of fun. I opted out of the after bar drinks and went home. There's lots of fun stories of which I'm sure you'll hear.

Anyway I'm going to Denver this week for work but then it's on to Chicago for the weekend to get drunk and have fun (AKA Negative Work).

I'm sure Miss T. will keep you entertained!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISS THISTLE

Who'd Ya Do

You take the good, you take the bad...

To celebrate the release of the first two seasons on DVD, this week's WYD is the young girls who taught us The Facts of Life.

Token Fat/Funny Girl, Natalie Green:

Token Pretty/Bitchy Girl, Blair Warner:

Token Black/Rollerskate Girl, Dorothy "Tootie" Ramsey:

Token Tomboy/Possible Lesbian Girl, Jo Polniaczek:

Eastland Rocks! Natalie Blair Tootie Jo View Results Make your own poll

Banned Music Videos

Yes AG more boobs on my blog.

I sure liked (and still do) Mitsou. Dis Moi, Dis Moi was one of my favorites and it was supposedly banned in shit load of places but not in good old Canada! I didn't thik it was very dirty. There's some boobs and bums in it but they're only in the back ground.


(To download Bye Bye Mon Cowboy and her other videos click here.)

There was also Love Missle F1-11. It wasn't banned in the US but they put censored bars over the guns. And a close up during the machine gun scene. Made it look kinda like he was touchin himself.


Here's the uncensored version the rest of the world watched.


Link to another good SSS video

Prodigy's Smack My Bitch Up (Banned by MTV. I think here too???). If you've never watched it....WATCH IT!!! It kicks ass.
REALLY Not Safe For Work


and Firestarter was banned by the BBC because of it's references to arson.


Duran Duran's Girls On Film (Banned By Almost Everyone incl. the BBC)
Not Safe For Work


Everyone knows about Madonna's Justify My Love (Banned In Canada and The US)
Prolly Not Safe For Work


What It Feel Like For A Girl (Banned by MTV)


American Life was banned by Madonna herself due to the Iraq war. She made a new version that played on TV. Here's the original version.


There you learned something and got to see things you're not supposed to see!
What more can you ask for?

Reasons I Love Lindsay

I love Lindsay Lohan. Unabashedly. Why you may ask?

1. She's a redhead
2. "Mean Girls" is one of the best movies ever
3. I think she'd be fun to party with
4. "Rumours" is a good song, haters
5. She's hated by these two douchebags as evidenced by the world's best video (found here)

Seriously, Brandon Davis has problems. First of which is that he's kinda fat. Second of which is, damn, that boy is sweaty.

Paris is just whore-y. And not really in the fun way, either.

Lindsay - call me!

BBC "Mystery Man"

If you haven't seen the "Mystery Man" on the BBC regarding music downloads it's worth a look. Go to PHRONK'S blog for the story and the vid.

It's the second post down. So funny!

Butchie's Baby Pic

Miss Thistle's Trip To Red Lobster

DIRTY BANANA

I know it's long and only slightly entertaining so don't bother telling me that you didn't read it, or that it was boring, etc. Just Fack Off instead, OK?

First off I did not get a direct flight. I connected in MIA which gave me a chance to smoke and I was able to pre clear US customs in Toronto so I was somewhat OK with not getting a direct flight. My arrival gate in MIA was on one side of the airport and the departure gate was on the other. Needless to say it was quite a walk and there airport was under some major construction so there were no moving side walks for lazy people like me to ride.

When my friend and I arrived in MBJ it turns out we didn’t fill out our forms properly and without them we could not pass customs. We only missed printing our names and signing the tourist card. I didn’t have a pen so I thought I could get one from the customs guy and complete it there. But no, he wouldn’t have that. I asked him where I could get a pen and he said “Ask someone in line”. So I asked the woman who checks the forms while you are standing in line who had a couple on pens in her pocket to which she responded “I don’t have a pen”. Nice.

While I was doing this my traveling companion had finished her tourist card and was speaking to the custom guy who asked her “Are you traveling alone” she said no and tried to point me out but by that time I was at the end of the line and she couldn’t find me. With that the custom’s official started to hit on her. She couldn’t believe it!!! A bit uncomfortable since her had all her information…her home address, her name, her telephone number, where she was staying and how long she would be there.

The hotel was very nice and service was amazing. I must say I did enjoy being waited on hand and foot. And being called Mr. Aunt this and Mr. Aunt that was nice too. I’m sure my guest got sick of being called Mrs. Aunt all the time. I may be a little fancier than I had previously believed.

When we had our special events like private brunch and dinner our bartender would sing for us…and sorry to say he sucked.

I opted for a manicure and pedicure since and hour-long massage would have been a nightmare for me since I hate people touching me and I didn’t want to golf. I did get some weird looks from the spa attendants while getting my mani and pedi. And the chick doing my manicure asked why I was getting a different pedicure from my friend and I said I was getting the one that said it was for men. She said really…I didn’t know we had one for men and she would have to see it to believe it. She let me know that she’s going to check that. Yeah I get it; I’m a girly man, just shut up and do my nails.

The trip home was a bit much. If you’ve been on Holiday with me before you are more than aware that when I wake up on the day of departure I prefer to just eat breakfast and get on a plane. I really don’t like waiting around. Our check out was 11:30am and our airport transfer was at 1:00pm and the flight left at 3:45pm. We couldn’t preclear customs in Jamaica so when we landed in MIA we had to get our bags and clear US customs and security before connecting. This was no easy task as there were only two customs officials and at least one hundred people crowded together (not in line) to get through these double doors. Once again we walked from one side of the airport to another. We did go outside for a dart (AKA cigarette). The flight was late and the gate was impossibly small and we were tired and getting grouchy.

We arrived in Toronto and went through customs. My friend looked at my customs card to see what the customs officer put on there and then looked at hers and said “great I’m getting stopped again”. Supposedly she gets stopped every time she goes through Canada customs. She’s not very happy and we make our way to the luggage carousel only to her name paged….yep, they don’t have her luggage. Now not only is she being stopped by customs but she has to explain why she has no luggage. I pick up my bag and wait for her outside. She shows up around 15 mins later and she’s not happy but we’re almost home. She smokes a dart and we get in a cab and make our way home.

THINGS TO BE NOTED
I didn’t get beaten or killed.
I didn’t leave the resort.
I didn’t get messy drunk.
I didn’t embarrass myself.
I didn’t get laid.
I did drink a lot.
I did find a favorite new drink called a “Dirty Banana”.
I did get a tan.
I did float around in the pool for hours on end.
I did eat lots of food.
I did meet some fun people.
I did meet some boring people.
I did go to the beach.
I did get asked if I was married a lot.
I did get a mani and pedi.

THINGS I NOTICED
-In Jamaica women clean the men’s bathroom while the men are in the bathroom.
-Lots of Jamaicans would like to move to Canada and have a lot of family all over Canada. (one lady asked me about Jane and Finch).
-Men do whatever they want in Jamaica and women just behave.
-People in my company don’t drink a lot or I drink way too much.
-I’m prolly the most fun person at my company.
-Jamaican TV sucks hard! Every hotel should have HBO or some sort of movie network.
-American Airlines has lots of male SkyBitches (flight attendants).
-It's perfectly OK for a Jamaican man to ask a woman on the street if she'd like to "RIDE THE BIG BAMBOO" before she goes home.
-My bosses husband sure can drink.
-Locals call the Ritz Carlton the Rich Carlton.
-Wagwon means what's going on.
-Butchie's a white trash mo!

Quitters!

So, a couple of you have decided to "quit" or "take time off" blogging. Not that I post every day or anything, but I simply can't allow this to happen. I will be taking hostages and making threats until the anonymous bloggers resume.

First, I will drown this box o' kittens;


Not really a cat person? No worries as I will also cook and eat this dog. See the fear in his eyes already? He knows that chubby puppies taste better.


I've already been practicing. Check out how dead I killed this dog;


So fun! What a sucker - look at him just lyin' there!


Keep posting! **shakes fist**


Photos courtesy of Cute Overload.

Who'd Ya Do

Posting on behalf of the vacationing Auntie; I'm still a little bitter he didn't include Axl et al, but whatevs.

(ETA: Now I've gone and effed up the video, but at least it's legible. Auntie, come back soon!)
__________________________________________________________
In the '80s I loved my metal. So I've decided to dedicate this week's Who'd Ya Do to some of my favourite Hair Bands. I didn't include Bon Jovi since everyone would just pick them.

POISON. The prettiest of the '80s metal bands.

KISS. Post make-up.

RATT. The lead singer was in Playgirl when I was a teenager. He had a little badpart.

CINDERELLA. I don't think these guys lasted too long.

Who'd Ya Do? POISON KISS RATT CINDERELLA View Results Make your own poll

THE DRUNKEN WHORE

That can be said of almost anyone who attended my Birthday Booze Fest. You know who you are...

I had me a fancy new outfit that I didn't purchase at Winners, a new haircut, and a bunch of alcoholics coming to meet me in bar. What else could I want? I guess about 35 people showed up by the time we hit 10:30 and it looked like everyone was having fun. I proceeded to get very drunk at that point and didn't really pay attention to who was and wasn't having fun anymore. I can only be a gracious host for so long. Oh and if you were on the patio...do you see that Wendy chick? Crazzzee!

I did forget to buy Hors De Voirs but I don't think anyone minded. I got lots of drinks purchased for me. So many that I had them all over the place and asked people to drink them for me. I did however do shots of Tequila when they were offered.

I have no idea what time we left the first bar to move to the second bar but all I know is that someone (you know who you are) made sure we wouldn't get in. She apologized profusely but it was still fun to rag on her about it.

Bar number three: A pub type of bar that was packed to the nuts. And that's were my memory stops. Supposedly after drinks at bar number three we went to a friend's house for more drinks and I really don't remember. I do have a vague recollection of walking into my condo's courtyard but that's it.

I woke up at 4:00pm Sunday afternoon with no hang over and my partial memory. I will put up a picture or two next week but as for the rest of this week I'll be on holiday.

Happy Birthday, Auntie!!

Today is dear Auntie's birthday. She's ever so excited;

To celebrate, we headed out on Saturday and many drinks were consumed. If memory serves, at one point it was Auntie, Thistle, Madame Rouge, Mitzzee, Jimmy, Salem, and Mrs Viddy all together under one roof! I'm sure there'll be photographic evidence online soon...

Have a great day, Auntie, and make sure Jimmy doesn't eat all your cake.

UNBELIVEABLE

MINIKISS


I would so go see these guys!

Found In Butchie's Cupboard

Who'd Ya Do

Since we're coming up on the final episodes before the finale, and since this week's one was awesome, this week's WYD is the men of Lost.

Former Iraqi soldier, Sayid;
























Conman Sawyer;



















Doctor Jack














The (dead) sister-effer Boone;

Island Boy Toy Sayid Sawyer Jack Boone View Results Make your own poll

Last Cruisey Post Of The Week - I Swear!

But, really, y'all have GOT to see him dancing on BET. I'm still cringing.

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

OK so I LOVE this show. And it's now getting super bitchy because they're coming to the end of the show. Only 4 left.

I just wanted to share one of my favorite quotes from last night's episode. Joanie who's a very sweet girl next door type says...
When I sit next to her I can smell the bitch coming off of her.
Joanie was referring to the nightmare known as Jade.

Jade is like 100 years old in model years and uses words incorrectly all the time. She thinks she soooooo smart but just last night she said elephants are part of the dinosaur family. WTF?

Just look at this try out she had for a Covergirl ad. It's a NIGHTMARE


Jade will never win but I think Joanie just might.

Here I Come To Save The Day!

It seems The Tooth's been very busy promoting his movie this week. You gotta hand it to him; he always manages to look so manly, so tough, so youthful, and just so damn heterosexual, no? I keep waiting for him to pilot his own hovercraft to NBC for a rematch with Lauer.

What Should Auntie Wear?

As we all know, our dear Auntie is leaving for Jamaica soon. And Jamaica can be scary for Teh Gheys. So, I think Auntie needs a new don't-fuck-with-me shirt for her trip. What should Auntie wear?









Bears By Moonlight?










Motorcycle and Possibly-Rabid Wolf?












Flag and Eagle?

















Rainbow and Deformed Unicorn?

Auntie's New Shirt Bear Wolf Eagle Unicorn View Results Make your own poll

Uh Ohh

Wahoooo!!!! Loonie opens above 90 cents U.S. I did read another article today that stated CAN / US currency would be at PAR in 2007.
A trip to the USA just got cheaper! But a trip to Canada...

THE LAST 5 YEARS


Since the 70's

I CAN'T FACKIN' WAIT!!!

EVERYONE'S SHOPPING FOR SUMMER