Stuff That Creeps Me Out #2

Squirrels.



Especially when they are so obviously plotting something sinister.

Still better than raccoons, though. They're all hunchy and creepy.

Photo courtesy Cute Overload

Who'd Ya Do?

Since I'm going away today and it is my turn to do the Who'd Ya Do I'm posting a day early.


If you've never watched Heathers it's really something you'll have to see. I love this movie. I once had all my co-workers calling each other Heather for months. With quotes like these and a school ruled by a red scrunchie how could you not see it?
"Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count!" - Veronica
"Grow up, Heather. Bulimia's so '87!" - Heather Chandler
"Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?" - Heather Duke
"What's your damage, Heather?" - Veronica
"F@ck me gently with a chainsaw." - Heather Chandler


Heather Chandler
The leader of the Heathers, she is "worshipped at Westerburg." Spends her lunchtime conducting the polls around Westerburg's cafeteria. She takes Veronica to a Remington party and winds up downing a cup of liquid drainer the next morning..


Heather Duke
The 2nd in command in the group of Heathers. She is normally the brunt of Heather Chandler's jokes especially when it comes to croquet. After the death of Heather Chandler, she helps JD with a petition to get Big Fun to play at Westerburg, well that's what she thinks..


Heather McNamara
The fact that Heather goes on a "date" with Ram tells you everything you need to know about her. After the first three deaths, she contemplates suicide but is stopped by Veronica. When Heather Duke and Veronica hear her on a radio talk show, Heather makes her life hell..


Veronica Sawyer
A member of the Westerburg clique, Veronica feels out of place with the Heathers. Their only joy is making fun of Martha Dumptruck & Betty Finn; whom Veronica herself used to be best friends with. The urge to do something grows inside her and when she meets JD all of her wishes have come true. Or so she thinks..

Who'd Ya Do? Heather Chandler Heather Duke Heather McNamara Veronica Sawyer View Results Make your own poll

Aw. Middle-Aged Love!

I love this.

Especially after hearing a tasty tidbit this past weekend about Mr. Travolta asking a friend of a friend to "take a sauna" with him at a health club here in Toronto. I don't know who the man is in the pic, but if he thinks he's got something serious with Danny Zuko, he better learn how to start making better coffee.

Art. Still Gross.

The "Britney Births A Baby" artist has something new for us; a bronze model of Suri Cruise's first poo.

Charming!

I hope we get a statement from The Tooth, as I'm sure scientologists think pooing is the work of the devil Xenu.

As an aside, I was trying to remember where I first came across the name "The Tooth" for Tom. I think it started on the now defunct Hissyfit forums, but can't find anything on the Internet Wayback. The closest I got was a pretty funny essay from 2001. Once The Tooth was pointed out to me, I swear it's all I see when he's on the screen.

RCMP REPORT

Pablo has been spotted in southern Ontario sporting a disguise.
The RCMP have supplied the following picture.


Be on the look out!

Chez toi ou chez moi?

One more day it's it is time for fun, fun, fun. Tomorrow Salem, Jason and I are all headed to Montreal. I haven't been to Montreal for a couple of years so I am kind of excited to go. It is always fun in Montreal, there's tons of stuff to do and the bagels are yummy. The best thing about going tomorrow is that drinking is soooo cheap there on Thursdays and I get to sleep in on Friday. I'm sure to be a monster by the end of the night on Thursday.


I'll prolly be going to...
Le Parking
Sky
Stud
Le Drugstore
I WILL NOT be going to Stereo.

The actual reason I'm going is for baseball but it doesn't start until Satty morning so Thursday is all about Boozin'.

Oh and I get to eat at La Belle Province. Where you can get Sauerkraut on your hamburger and really tasty poutine. (Salem it's like Mr. Tasty in Quebec).



If you're ever in Quebec you may need to use some of these...
Flirting
Teach me French - Apprenez-moi le francais
Your place or mine? - Chez toi ou chez moi?
Do you want to sleep with me tonight? Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
I love Quebecers!- J'aime les quebecois (for males) / quebecoises (for females)
Nice ass! - Beau cul!* (the 'l' is silent)

Starting/Finishing the Party
A pitcher please! - Un pichet S'il-vous-plait! (the 't' is silent)
A beer! - Une biere!
Dude, I'm friggin' drunk! - Yo je suis tellement fait!
I gotta puke? - Je dois vomir!
I got to take a piss - Je dois aller pisser.

Been Cheated On?

Well, how about you try making a cup of coffee that doesn't taste like shit??

4 Thistle

Just to stress out Thistle I offer her this.

Weekend

Busy weekend. After work on Friday my team played three baseball games. I was too late to play in the first one (we lost). I played in the second one (we won). Since we had too many players for the third game I said it’s OK if I don’t play. So they made me keep score. Damn, if I knew I would have had to keep score I would not have offered to sit out. I hate keeping score and I don't really know how. It was cold rainy and miserable. We finally finished at around 10:45. I got some Vietnamese food and went home. No night out on the town Friday.

Saturday was Moe’s BDay. So I got me a new haircut and picked up a card/gift certificate for Moe then went home and got ready. When I got to Byzantium the party was in full swing. Lots of people, lots of fun and lots of drinks. Jason was there for awhile but in classic Jason style he disappeared early in the evening without saying goodbye to anyone. I dunno what he was scared of this time but I’m sure it had to do with "people hating him with their eyes". The party soon moved onto the patio and everyone spent almost the whole night out there smoking and drinking. I don’t know what Salem did. I invited him but he didn’t come.

Cashew and Candy asked everyone back to their house after the bar closed and against my better judgment I went. A bad decision as I proceeded to get very drunk. I don’t remember too much or what time I got home but needless to say it was very late. Supposedly there was a huge downpour with lots of lightning and thunder but I have no recollection of this. On the way home from Cashew and Candy’s a friend from baseball tried to convince me to go to Sonic to dance for the rest of the night. I told him that I’m too old for Sonic not to mention plastered. I think Victor Calderone was playing so it would have prolly been like $40.00 to get in.

I woke up on Sunday at 9:00am still drunk and went out to get a massive breakfast (pancakes, bacon, eggs, hash browns and toast). Took it home and ate it in front of the TV then went back to bed until around 1:00. I wanted to see the Buskerfest down of Front Street but I opted for recovery in my apartment. I was a wreck for most of the afternoon (I so should have went straight home after the bar).

Stalk.

Some movie called P2 is being filmed near my apartment. The trailers have taken over the street for a few weeks now and are starting to become annoying. In case anyone's interested, Wes Bentley's in it. I only know him as The Dude That Wasn't Spacey in American Beauty, but maybe one of you would like to commence some stalking with this little tidbit. Have fun!

Sleepy.

I'm tired. Had a really busy, but fun weekend;

- Celebrated a friend's 30th birthday

- Celebrated with a friend visiting Toronto before she returns to her MBA program in Cleveland

- Celebrated my sister's successful defence of her Ph.D. Sadly, this means she's moving to the U.S. this Tuesday for a year to teach at a university before she pursues a post-doc at (hopefully) Harvard studying (hopefully) chimps. Maybe she can hook me up with one for my movie?

Hope y'all had a good weekend, too!

Canadian Safety Warning

An American Psychiatrist interviewed Pablo on what he looks for in a potential victim:

01) Pablo looks for Canadians on their cell phones, searching through their purse/wallet or doing other activities while walking because he says Canadians off guard and can be easily overpowered.

02) Pablo is most likely to attack in the early morning, between 5:00a.m. and 8:30a.m.

03) The number one place Pablo will attack a Canadian is under a maple tree. Number two is Public restrooms. Number three is anywhere in Mexico.

04) The thing about Pablo is that he is looking to grab a Canadian and quickly move him/her to another location where he doesn't have to worry about getting caught.

05) Only 2% of Canadians said they carried weapons to protect themselves against Pablo.

06) If a Canadian puts up any kind of a fight at all, Pablo gets discouraged. It only takes a minute or two for Pablo to realize that going after some Canadians isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming. (Pablo is lazy)

07) Pablo said he would not attack Canadians who don’t say “Eh”.

08) Several defense mechanisms Pablo told us about are:
If Pablo is following behind you on a street, in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look him in the face and ask him a question about a famous Canadian, like “Don’t you miss Anne Murray?”, or make general small talk: "I can't believe how good the maple syrup is this year!". Now you’ve seen Pablo’s face and could identify him in a line-up; you lose appeal as a target.

09) Always carry Taco kits with you. Pablo cannot resist Tacos. Better yet stop by the 7-11 and get some Taquitos.
If Pablo begins to attack yell “I have Taquitos” then toss it away from you....chances are Pablo is more interested in
the Mexican food more than you, and he will go for the food. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

Pablo seems like well educated man, who ALWAYS plays on the sympathies of unsuspecting Canadians. He started killing Canadians early in life by luring them into alleys with Chiclets.

Another Safety Point:

Someone just told me that her friend heard a Mariachi Band on her porch the night before last, and she called the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) because it was late and she thought it was weird. The RCMP officer told her "Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." The Canadian lady then said that it sounded like the Mariachi Band had already seemed to be moving away and she was afraid she may not get to enjoy the show. The RCMP officer said, "We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." He told her that they think Pablo has a Mariachi Band recorded and uses it to coax Canadians out of their homes/hotels thinking that it is harmless entertainment. The RCMP officer said they have not verified it is Pablo, but have had several calls by Canadians saying that they hear a Mariachi Band outside their doors when they're home alone at night.

Please pass this on to other Canadians and DO NOT open the door for a Mariachi Band.

Please forward this to all the Canadians you know. It may save a life.

Who'd Ya Do

With all the buzz surrounding all things serpentine lately, this week's edition is Men In A Snake Movie.

Never heard of this film, but the first choice is Dean Cain in Boa


Harrison Ford in Raiders of the Lost Ark


Jon Voight in Anaconda (aka best snake movie EVER.)


Nathan Phillips from Snakes On A Plane (incidentally, Nathan; you may wanna put some pics of yourself on imdb. Just sayin'.)


Who'd Ya Do?

Dean Cain Harrison Ford Jon Voight Nathan Phillips View Results Make your own poll

4 Rent

Salem and I were on the subway a while back and we found this ad. I think Miss Bunny Swan may be the owner. If it isn't rented yet maybe you can get it.

NEWFIE ACCENT

Federline.

So Britney's husband performed on the Teen Choice Awards this past Sunday. I missed it due to stupidity with a PVR, but heard it was right heinous. I'm sure it's on YouTube somewhere, but I just ate lunch, so I'm full of Subway, and lazy, and don't feel like searching for it.

Really, I'm only posting 'cause I wanted to show this pic.


See that there? He looks like he's crapping! Bwahahahaha!

Remember kids, toilet humour will always be funny to me, 'cause that's how I roll.

ONLY ONE MORE WEEK

It's that time of year again. Time for to go away to a Baseball Tournament. This year we're going to Montreal. I'm not too excited about Montreal but I'm sure we'll have fun. Salem, Jason and I are leaving next Thursday on Via1 so we can drink the whole way up. We should arrive at about 9:00pm. And about 1/2 the team will be there. The tournament doesn't start until Saturday so we can get rip roarin drunk on Thursday and sleep in on Friday. I had a great time last year in Cleveland so I'm sure Montreal will be just as much fun.

Here's a team pic from Cleveland last year...



BTW
I THINK IT WAS PABLO
He Did It!

Janelle BB7

Dr. Will asks Janie would she be happy with just love and someone who adores her? Janie answers that's what she wants, just a regular life. Trips to Dubai with friends that you meet in Monaco are not that much fun.

Poor Janie :(

Short N Sweet

Snakes On A Plane was really good. Everyone that I went with really liked it. It was like watching an episode of CHiPs or Knight Rider. Best line from the movie - "Get off my dick snake!"

Took yesterday off and didn't do much of anything. Just didn't want to go to work and it's kind of slow this time of year. I did watch Decent yesterday though. That was a facked up. Really gross and very stressful. The end sucked.

Momo's BDay is this Saturday. It should be lots of fun.

Finally - Ha, Ha at the Tooth!

See what happens when you're crazy. You get dumped. Viacom chairman told the Wall Street Journal "As much as we like him personally, we thought it was wrong to renew the deal. His recent conduct has not been acceptable to Paramount." But the Cruise camp says that negotiations ended when Paramount's (owned by Viacom) offer came up short. Where's L. Ron when you need him?

New Job With DHL?

I just got the following email..

From: User kaqedprg [mailto:kaqedprg@dsl.dynamic8121578181.ttnet.net.tr]
On Behalf Of Susan Dedmond, DHL Mail [lhrx@cockhappy.com]
Sent: Monday, August 21, 2006 2:21 PM
Subject: PART-TIME POSITION: DHL Mail ACCOUNT MANAGER

PART-TIME POSITION: DHL Mail ACCOUNT MANAGER
bla, bla, bla
As a part-time employee, you'll have access to the following benefits: More than $90,000 per year...

Humm, part time work at $90,000 per year how could I say no?
Wait look at Susan Desmond's email address. When did DHL start using cockhappy.com?
I think something fishy is going on here.

The Weekend

Baseball - We lost :(
FreakShow - Lots of Fun. Salem, Candy, Cashew and I all went for drinks and got a little drunk yesterday afternoon. We drank lots of beer and saw a lot of white zitty bums (yuck). Lots of fun drag shows.

Mama G

Big Pitcher of beer

Horse Guy

Donnaramma

Best Ass Contest - Where the drag queen tried to get more participants by saying come on bitches I know you all need bus money to get home.


Diaper Guys

DragQueen and Sound Board just for Butchie

Time to go home.

I fell asleep at 10pm (I was a little drunk)

You'll have to ask Salem about the crazy native lady.

Snakes on a plane tonight after work!

I haven't seen Zanta in a while...

Zanta is a local Toronto street freak with lots of muscles. It's always Christmas for Zanta. Supposedly married with kids. Yay for Toronto and its many freaks!
Maybe he could make a comercial for Fanta? Tag line "ZANTA LOVES FANTA!"?

What R U Doin' This Weekend?

My To Do List For This Weekend...
1/ Baseball tonight.
2/ See freak show.
3/ SNAKES ON A PLANE at the cheap theatre.

Who'd Ya Do?

This one's for Thistle! Yes that's right Miss Thistle call your friends! It's Who'd Ya Do 90210 Style!

Spelling’s money making, trouble making, binge drinkin’, nightmare!
Butchie is so picking her.

A nice Canadian boy for Vancouver.

A man stealing daddy’s girl with a funny new show.

Ummm what happened to him?

The prettiest one with the most facked up character. Remember she did the drugs on the show!

The one that was too cool. I hated his character and still don’t like his acting. (He'll Prolly Win)

The poor girl from the Valley :(

Who'd Ya Do? Brenda Walsh Brendon Walsh Donna Martin Steve Sanders Kelly Taylor Dylan McKay Andrea Zuckerman View Results Make your own poll

You're On Notice.

A regular feature on The Colbert Report, I've made my own.

You've been warned. Now shape up or you're Dead To Me.

I Know Miss Thistle Is In

Thistle wanna be my date for this? I sooooo know you do. I can only think on one other person that will see this but she would never admit it...Fingerbang. So we will have to convince her.
I'd like to take Mme. Rouge and Jason just to see them get stressed out. There would be no convincing Salem. (If Salem was a teenaged girl she'd be a Goth.)

BRACEFACE

So I'm getting my snaggle tooth fixed. Yes, I'll be getting braces. I have an appointment for a consultation on September 9th. I only need 'em on the top. Hopefully I can get the ones that go on the back of my teeth. Work will pay $1,200.00 and the rest is up to sad gross tooth me.


Miss Thistle here's a pic of the Snaggle Tooth---->

I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS!!

TPB The Movie
Who's coming?

Ya Watchin' Dis?

Two people at work have recommended that I watch Hatching, Matching & Dispatching. Is supposed to be rite, rite (aka really) funny. It's on the CBC tonight at 8:30.
Here's a little look.

UPDATE:
I watched it last night and it had its moments. Best line of the night was at the end during the credits. It's a rainy night and there’s a girl wearing a wedding dress in a graveyard plot. A police man starts to help her out the the hole and she calls him an arsehole. Later on in the car the police man obviously smitten with her asks "Wadda ya doin in dat grave anyway? Seems like an awful strange place for such a pretty lady to be hangin around." The girl in the wedding dress with her eyeliner running down her face has a look of distain on her face when she replies "My boyfriend wanted to screw me in dere. It's the only way he can get hard". But I must say the lesbian paramedics are my favorite.
(btw there are some very thick Newfie accents on the show I don't think a lot of people will be able to understand what some of the characters are saying)

Want!

I pity the fool who doesn't love Mr. T.

I'm sure he can teach us all a lesson or two.

Flip-Flops Be Damned!

When will this whole flip-flop thing be done? Soon I hope. I can’t wear ‘em due to my freakish webbed toes (they match my freakish webbed fingers). The little thong thing can’t get far enough between my toes. I have tried but to no avail. They just don’t fit correctly and they kinda hurt. Poor me!

GRAPEFRUIT

A drunk Auntie goes up to a friend from behind and whispers in his ear "It smells like whore around here". Auntie received no response. So Auntie waits about 30 seconds and goes in again and says "Oh it's you. You smell like a fuckin' whore". The friend turns around. It wasn't the friend! Stupid Auntie! Stupid, Stupid, Stupid Auntie! Auntie apologizes profusely. Tries to find the friend but can't find him quickly enough so Auntie leaves and goes home to write about it on her blog. At least she got a free popsicle before she left.

P.S. Auntie also saw Rick Mercer (aka Auntie's secret crush) with a gaggle of 19 and 20 year olds. In his defense he didn't seem too happy about the company he had. He's funny, cute and from the maritimes so I forgive him. Anyway, I told my Candy to say something funny to him. Candy said "what do you want me to say". I said say something funny and Rick Mercery then Candy looked at me all funny. About 10 min later Candy says "That's Rick Mercer". I said yeah remember what I told you that and Candy said "I didn't know it was him. I thought it was some Jewish guy". BTW Rick was drinking the water. What kind of Newf drinks water...Oh wait I know. A successful one.

The show was great tonight though. Click here to see the the past ones. I dunno when they will post tonight's show.

What More Could You Want?

Drag Queens and Super Models dressed like Drag Queens. What more could you want?

Synchronized!

Coolest music video I've seen in a long time.

Simpsonized!

Ever wondered what you'd look like as a Simpsons character? Well now you can find out. Not quite as fun as the South Park one, but still pretty interesting.

Here's me;

I think I'd be some sort of trashy girl from Mo's past who shows up at the bar one day to cause some trouble. Or maybe just a random stranger with a scam for Mr Burns' money. Then I get to make out with Flanders' hot chest before riding off Bonnie and Clyde style with Snake.

FYI - If you'd like to make your own to email to your mom, you have to ctrl-print screen then paste the pic into Paint for editing.

ooops

Still super busy at work don’t really any time to post a Who'd Ya Do. Maybe Miss Thistle can do it today? I can tell you however I think I flushed the cardboard tube thingy from a toilet paper roll this morning when I changed the TP. I hope it doesn't get clogged!


If that wasn't enough to entertain you maybe some more Holiday Highlights would be in order...


Thought you would like to know there's a Fried Chicken fast food place called the A & K Lick-a-Chick (and a ice cream place called the Lick-a-Treat)

There's McLobster at McDonalds.
Even Subway has a lobster sub.