US POLITICS

Who'd Ya Do?

I'm sure you don't care but I do. One of my favorite shows is Big Brother. It's boring at first but they do get nasty after about a month. I can't wait for it to start this year. And the good news is it's Big Brother All-Stars. That should fill the house with the really, really nice and the pure evil. I cannot wait!!!

Who'd Ya Do of the big Brother Winners...

BB2 WILL - He told everyone he was screwing them over and he did.


BB3 LISA - Very hot girl next door. She wasn't evil at all.


BB4 JUN - Evil, Evil, Evil. She screwed everyone over and did it well. I love her!


BB5 DREW - Pretty boy with an identical twin. Mostly a nice guy but was kinda evil.


BB6 MAGGIE - She didn't think she was evil but she was. That's the worst kind of evil.

BB1 sucked and I don't even remember who won so I didn't include it.
Who'd Ya Do?

Will BB2
Lisa BB3
Jun BB4
Drew BB5
Msggie BB6


View Results

Make your own poll

The Newest Shrew

With Meredith Viera going legit on NBC's Today, there's been a vacant seat at The View. Well, that seat's been filled by Rosie O'Donnell.

Rosie bugs me. I can't really put my finger on why, though. She speaks her mind, which I love. And she doesn't take any shit. Which I also love. But still. I think it's her poetry on her blog. That bugs. Either way, this is gonna be good. Rosie totally busted on Star Jones for not coming clean on her gastric bypass surgery some time ago. And uber-Republican, Stepford-bot Elizabeth Hasselbeck must be shitting her pants. Which I totally love. Might have to warm up the PVR...

A Drunk Afternoon In New Orleans

A couple of years ago I had a business confrence in New Orleans. Some co-workers and I decided to go down a couple of days early to get drunk. One afternoon a friend and I were sitting in a bar on Burbon Street trying to drink everyone of the bar specials that changed every 5 mins. There were videos playing on the plasma TV above the bar when something caught our eye. The girl I was with will be sooooooo happy I found this. She spent forever trying to get a copy with no luck. We don't have video bars like in the US so the chances of her seeing this again was next to none.

If you're at work don't play it too loud because there's some foul language at the end.

My Pitch To The Mouse

Disney's been slipping with their live-action kids' films lately. I mean, The Shaggy Dog? Again?

I've done some thinking and realized it's quite easy to follow the Disney formula; you just combine a bit of the following ingredients, throw in some burp and/or fart jokes, a "life lesson" and you're done. I've called my pitch here "Disney's Treasure Hunt." Observe...

Take two cute, funny youngsters. Siblings if possible. Twins? Even better. Not too precocious, though (I'm looking at you, Dakota Fanning). More like the young Olsens;


Now, children in a Disney movie never live with mom and dad. They must be orphans. Or orphaned within the first 15 minutes of the movie. For this one, I think they'll live with their sickly -- yet still sassy! -- Granny;


(Just to get off-topic for a sec? You would not believe the sick shit I just saw while google-imaging "granny." Jeebus.)

Back to the story. So, granny's sick and the drama is that she's about to lose the farm to the funny, not-too-scary villain of the story. This has got to be someone who can deal with all the slapsticky gags, like falling into mud and crap, who also gets stuck with a name like Cyrus Blackheart or something. Like that "Hey, Vern" guy;


Except picture him in Boss Hogg attire.

To save granny's farm, of course, the children will stumble upon some treasure map in the attic or something equally unlikely and set off on the "adventure of a lifetime." The villain will discover their plan, natch, and try to steal the treasure for himself. The girls need help. But from who??

You've only got three options here; chimp, robot, or Urkel. Either way, they gots to be wise-cracking and/or bumbling.


So, chimp and twins foil Blackheart, find the treasure, and save the day. Blackheart learns the valuable lesson of "letting sickly grannies keep their homes." Twins learn lesson of...oh, I don't know..."hard work and goodness always triumph"? Either way, it doesn't matter, 'cause that farting chimp is hilarious.

Socialites Ranked. Backstabbing To Ensue.

This looks like fun.

The idea started with a group of "three designers, four editors, two dames and one gentleman of the social scene, one gossip columnist, and one party photographer." They are in charge of the ranking and, every two weeks, 132 socialites will vie for the top 25 positions based on the following criteria;

"The personal styles and designer relations (1-20 pts)
Press coverage in major publications and gossip columns (10 pts)
Appearances and commitment to events (10pts)
Hot factor- what makes each of the individuals sizzle with personality (10 pts)"

I love it. Although I notice both Anna Wintour's daughter, Bee Shaffer, and Carine Roitfeld's daughter, Julia Restoin, both made the list. I assume Anna and Carine were two of the four editors on the judging panel? FIX!

Thankfully, no Hiltons made the cut. They must have been too fat or something. Or perhaps blonde hair just isn't worth as many points as you'd think?

This is numero uno; Tinsley Mortimer. I haven't a clue who she is, but she seems to be a fan of being blonde and apparently owns a regurga-stick, so that's fun.

Newfie Medical Dictionary

Artery......................... The study of paintings

Bacteria....................... Back door to cafeteria

Barium......................... What doctors do when patients die

Benign........................ What you be, after you be eight

Caesarean Section............. A neighbourhood in Rome

Catscan........................ Searching for Kitty

Cauterize...................... Made eye contact with her

Colic.......................... A sheep dog

Coma........................... A punctuation mark

Dilate......................... To live long

Enema.......................... Not a friend

Fester......................... Quicker than someone else

Fibula......................... A small lie

Impotent....................... Distinguished, well known

Labour Pain.................... Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff.................. A Doctor's cane

Morbid......................... A higher offer

Nitrates....................... Cheaper than day rates

Node........................... Past tense of know

Outpatient..................... A person who has fainted

Pelvis......................... Second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative................. A letter carrier

Recovery Room.................. Place to do upholstery

Rectum......................... Nearly killed him

Secretion...................... Hiding something

Seizure........................ Roman emperor

Tablet......................... A small table

Terminal Illness............... Getting sick at the airport

Tumour......................... One plus one more

Urine.......................... Opposite of you're out

Death To All Puppies!

The kitties will rise up and declare war upon the puppies. Armageddon is upon us. Death to all puppies! Die puppies, DIE!!!

BASEBALL PRACTICE TODAY

It's cold and damp today and most likely it will rain. Sounds like a great time for my first baseball practice of the year. Ya think? Well I have no choice, practice is today at 6:00pm.

I'm sooooooo out of shape I'll prolly have a heart attack on the field. I was supposed to get in shape but I didn't and now I'll pay for that. I didn't absolutely suck last year so I suspect I'll do OK this year.

I really only play for two reasons 1/ Gets me outside all summer 2/ The drinking. I usually end up with a great tan and a tired liver by the time September rolls around. I'm on a great team too. Lots of fun and we do pretty well too!

Jimmy has joined softball this year and he'll be playing on my and Salem's team. He's going to be the pitcher. He doesn't know how to pitch (he's a catcher if you know what I mean) but he'll have to learn. Ask him if he stressed out ;)

Let the drinking begin!

WORDS...

If you can't do something right... Do it anyway.

Who'd Ya Do?

You're kidding, right? How do you get a star for turning letters? That's right, Vanna White now has her own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Merve Griffin said ""I picked her because she knew the whole alphabet,"


It's late but in the spirt of the new hollywood star...
Who'd Ya Do? the game show audition...


BOB AND HIS BITCHES


PAT AND VANNARAMMA

Who'd Ya Do? Bob And His Beauties Pat And Vanna View Results Make your own poll

The Most Homophobic Country In The Western Hemisphere

At the beginning of next month I'm going on a free vacation at a luxury hotel. That's it right above. Sounds good, right? Here are my issues...

It's in Jamaica (AKA the most homophobic place in the western hemisphere) where moes often get harassed, beaten and even killed on a regular basis. Yeah, I won't be leaving the resort.

It's a very upscale resort (as described in an earlier post I am not fancy) and there will not be a "buger hut" by the pool.

There's no disco on the property so again I'll be bored and in bed early.

We have golf and spa treatments included. I don't golf and don't really don't like people touching me so I have opted for the fancy hour long manicure and the fancy hour long pedicure. No hour long massages but they can touch my hands and feet only thanks.

Lots of side trips/tours are available but as I mentioned I will not be leaving the resort because I'm not interested in being stoned (I mean stoned as in pelted with rocks)

Good things...
-free booze/food/cigars
-sun and sand
-I'm taking a friend (she's lucky...I just gave her a ticket to Vancouver in Dec) Being my friend pays off.
-It's paid time off from work.

Why would I go you ask...
I won this trip because I'm such a good employee ;) And I did actually try to get out of it but no dice.

Unsexiest? Really?

Some newspaper decided to make a list of the "World's Unsexiest Men." Topping the list? This guy;

Frankly, I wouldn't even put Gilbert Gottfried at the top of "Unsexiest Comedian." That's Carrot Top, natch. The 'Top, incidentally, also has a disturbing scrotum shot floating around these here interwebs that I couldn't bring myself to look for as I value my recently-consumed lunch.

Anyways, besides forever ruining the self-esteem of poor Gilbert, the timing of this list has also ruined my plans for this Friday's Who'd Ya Do of 3 not-so-hunky comedians. It was gonna be Carrot Top, Sinbad, and (potentially) Gallagher. And now it's ruined. Ruined!

OLD HAG

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah I know. It's her Birthday.

It's not like I forgot. I baked her a cake.



And I got her a clown...


And a Stripper...


HAPPY BIRTHDAY MITZZEE!
Don't expect me to me nice to you again for a very long time.

Making the world a safer place...

In the interest of making the world a safer place I though you all should be aware of the following...

We’re number 15!

Mercer Human Resource Consulting's 2006 Quality of Living Survey
I can't believe Vancouver beat us by so much again!!! But I think they were number two last year. There must have been some consideration regarding the freedom to do CRACK out in the open.

Sorry Buchie no Indianapolis in the top 50 but I think you beat out Baghdad.

Top 50 Best Cities To Live In
(Same numbers = tie)
1 Zurich
2 Geneva
3 Vancouver
4 Vienna
5 Auckland
6 Dusseldorf
7 Frankfurt
8 Munich
9 Bern
9 Sydney, Australia

11 Copenhagen
12 Wellington, New Zealand
13 Amsterdam
14 Brussels
15 Toronto
16 Berlin
17 Melbourne
18 Luxembourg
18 Ottawa
20 Stockholm

21 Perth, Australia
22 Montreal Canada
23 Nurnberg, Germany
24 Dublin
25 Calgary
26 Hamburg
27 Honolulu
28 San Francisco
29 Adelaide, Australia
29 Helsinki

31 Brisbane, Australia
31 Oslo, Norway
33 Paris
34 Singapore
35 Tokyo
36 Boston
37 Lyon, France
37 Yokohama, Japan
39 London
40 Kobe, Japan

41 Washington
41 Chicago,
43 Portland, Oregon
44 Barcelona
45 Madrid,
46 New York City
47 Seattle
48 Lexington, Kentucky
49 Pittsburgh
49 Winston Salem, North Carolina
51 Osaka, Japan
51 Milan, Italy

I think the Canadian cities owe their success in this poll to the multitude of stripclubs. Americans always seem more than happy with them. The beer doesn't hurt either!

Guess...

Who'd Ya Do?

This week is Rat Pack week.


Hopefully some of you are still around this weekend to play...
I'm only giving you 3 to choose from, though!

First up?
The sane half of Martin & Lewis, Mr. Dean Martin?

One of the reasons behind JFK's successful presidential election, Mr. Peter Lawford?

Or the Chairman of the Board himself, Mr. Frank Sinatra?

Ring-A-Ding-Ding! Dean Martin Peter Lawford Frank Sinatra View Results Make your own poll

The Dangers Of Bingo

It's all fun and games till someone dies....

The Tooth Returns

So, as a person obsessed with The Crazy of Mr. Cruise, I thought I'd take an opportunity to remind you that everyone's favourite Scientologist will be sitting down for an interview with Diane Sawyer this Friday.

To tide you over until then, MSN Gossip offers you tidbits from a deliciously snarky interview (GQ magazine) with Tom. Some of my faves?

"(H)e claims he knew she was carrying his progeny before she did. 'Oh, I -- I looked at her. And I went, 'You're gonna tell me if you're pregnant, aren't you?' It was a moment where ... It was one of those things,' he (sort of) explains. 'I just picked something up. And I knew at that moment she was pregnant. 'Cuz I notice things in people.'"

"Tom is once again touching on the sensitive subject of the sonogram machine he purchased and supposedly learned how to operate. 'I'm a filmmaker -- I need to see the rushes!' he attempts to joke to the mag (we assume there was an explosive laugh accompanying this quip). 'At first we did it a lot. I don't know how many times, but I did not exceed FDA regulations!'"

"'I think it's appalling that people have to live a life of drug addiction when I have personally helped people get off drugs.' Cruise claims he can get a person off heroin in three days."

I assume MI3 will be in theatres soon? I also assume Little Sci will make an appearance around then? That's good, Katie's been pregnant for, like, 12 months or so; I'm sure she's getting tired of the pillow.

Need A New Job?

Money Magazine has released their list of the Top 50 Jobs In America. Shockingly, no job in the music industry was listed. Damn kids and their downloading! Maybe I'll just switch to this "software engineer" dealie. I'm pretty sure it's got something to do with trains - or perhaps you could engineer a plane? Who knows; it's a crazy world out there! I just don't know about a train made from "soft wares," though; what if it hits something? That's just an accident waiting to happen!

Now, dietitian/nutritionist would be easy. "Hey, fatty, don't eat that!" "Go puke up that burger, chubby!" If Dr. Bernstein can sell anorexia, I'm sure I could market bulimia somehow; sell Thistle-designed regurga-sticks or something. It's gold, Jerry.

Someone in Churchill, MB loves us

Who is this Churchill resident? I want to know.

Rick Mercer Vs. Rona Ambrose

Click the pick to the left and watch Rick Mercer interview the Canadian Minister of the Environment the honourable Rona Ambrose. He works her over pretty good and she's pretty funny too (listen for her oil comment). And Rick picks on Pam Anderson more.




Rick reviews Stephen Harper's less than logical choices for Parliamentary Secretaries.

WORDS...

Better to burp and taste it than to fart and waste it.

Bet You've Never Seen This Before

My Trip To Fancy Town

Incase you already don’t know I’m not fancy. You can tell I’m not fancy simply because I use the word fancy. Anyway, I was going to a friends’ house warming party on Saturday and since they had previously bought me two gifts from William Ashley I figured they what they would like something from there. Besides I had to use the gift certificate they got for me on something right?

William Ashley is the kind of place I avoid at all costs…its “fancy” (aka overpriced, people wait on you hand and foot, etc.). In all the years I’ve been in Toronto I’ve never entered the store and never planned to. Not that it’s bad to go to a store like that, it’s just not my thing. An ex of mine used to buy me bday presents from there… (I didn’t like them or the ex).

So I walked in asked a nice German lady with nice rings and big round Glasses for assistance. She made some recommendations and I went with her choice of a big ol’ vase. As she went to see if it was in stock I got to thinking that it was a bit “old lady”.

But what do I know? Like I said I’m not fancy. If it was up to me my condo would have stick people painted on the walls and frog figurines everywhere.

I changed my mind and went with a decanter and glass set. The one I wanted was not in stock and my German lady said that was a good thing because the one I picked was not cut as well as the set next to it. She explained why the other set was better (the cut, the weight, the rim of the glass, etc). She had me lift one of the glasses and said “now that’s a glass”. So I went with her choice. Had it wrapped and made my way to get my haircut.

Let me tell you a William Ashley bag sure makes you popular. Lots of smiles and “what a nice gift”, “who’s the lucky person”, etc. Weird, I meant they couldn’t see what it was; it was wrapped with a bow on it. All they saw was the bag with the store name on it and decided from that it was a wonderful gift. I guess lots of other people like fancy stuff but not me I’ll keep buying my stuff at Winners and eating chicken wings.

Art. Now Even Grosser!

It was only a matter of time.

I'll spare you the picture (probably not-safe-for-work, or life for that matter), but Gawker has now posted the rear view of that wacky Britney statue. And I know most of you will click that link. The power of Spears compels you!

Who'd Ya Do?

SASSY AND SMART VELMA

THE STUDLY FRED

DAPHNE THE TEASE

SHAGGY THE STONER

SCOOBY IS NOT AN OPTION. THAT WOULD BE BEASTIALITY SICKO!

Who'd Ya Do? SHAGGY DAPHNE FRED VELMA View Results Make your own poll

Maybe I'm a Little Happier

LIZZY HAPPIER TODAY


So I'll move up to the THRILL KILL KULT today and see how it goes.

For that special someone (she knows who she is) Is your Aunt Flo visiting?